I've been home from college for a month. I've been home from college for a month?! I really can't believe it sometimes. I can't believe it has been an entire year since I crossed that stage in Canton and grabbed my diploma. I can't believe it has been a year since I was at Prom with some of my favorite people in the world. I can't believe that I actually managed to survive an entire year of college. It really is surreal. The adjustment from school to home has been...strange to say the least. I love home, I really do. I love my family and their craziness. I love my friends here. But something feels off. Our dynamic is different. And I came to realize that there are so many different lives going on within all of my friendships that I don't really know about, and at first I hated the idea. I hated this feeling that the world as I knew it has started to tilt and reform. I hated that people aren't the same.
But then I got thinking. Why am I so resistant to change? Change is such a blessing. Change is what makes life so interesting and beautiful. If it wasn't for change I would still be awkward and friendless like in the middle school days. If it wasn't for change, I'd still be fighting with my brother over everything and anything all day long. If it wasn't for change I wouldn't have met some of my favorite people in the whole world. "I do believe I have been changed for the better." So many good things have happened to me since I graduated high school, and somehow I was not seeing it. I've been so worried about everyone around me at home changing and not having EVERYTHING be the same as it was before and now I think, how silly of me! I still have great friends from home. Maybe not the same ones as before, or maybe there are fewer of us, but they are there making me laugh. Heck, I don't even think I'm exactly the same. Bowling Green has done wonders to me. I have met some of the most unique and wonderful people in my time at school. I am so thankful to be one of the few who LOVES her roommate. I am so thankful that I came to school and instantly met new people that I have grown to love and that I went a good majority of the year without any homesickness at all. I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to meet so many different people who love God, and are truly inspirational in their need to learn more about Him and what He wants them to do with the lives they've been given. I am thankful that I conquered one of the most ridiculous academic schedules available as an undergraduate. This list could go on and on but I feel as though my point is made. This year has been nothing what I thought it would be, in the best way possible. I love the change that has happened in me that has truly been for the better. I love being able to relax for another two months before I have to be a big girl and take on my sophomore year of college. I love that no matter how far off track I get, God is always there to pick me back up and remind me what life is all about.
-Kat
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Worrywart
The truth is I've always been a worrier. My family has videos of me as a small child telling my little brother, "Be careful, Jonny!" It's one of those qualities that about myself that I find extremely frustrating and a constant battle to push aside. In a way I guess worrying can be put to good use, but worrying a selfish and unhappy way of living.
I guess it makes sense that I'm a worrier in a way. It's part of my personality to care too much. And because I have this immense capacity to care, I have a tendency to worry about...everything. I worry about my friends and the choices they make. I worry about my family and their happiness. I worry about my future, and if I am on the right path in my career choices. I worry that I won't get good enough grades. I worry that I will not find the person I am meant to spend my life with. I worry that I push away people because of my worrying about them!
One of my friends gave me a quote that I find very insightful:
"Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence."
Worrying in a way, is an insult to God. It's like saying, "Yea I know you're in charge and you are in control, but I'd rather fight this battle for myself." I know this is a crazy idea especially for me to put into my life. It takes a lot of patience and faith. In fact I'm sure this is one of the hardest things to do for most people. If you think about it, our society has created an environment for worrying. Everything is so competitive and we are constantly reminded of what is accepted and not accepted in every aspect of life. But this is not an excuse to let your worries take over your whole being and the way you perceive life.
I know that I will be needing a little reminder to keep myself in my check, and hopefully whoever reads this will be brought back to a new perspective on their worries about life. Until then I feel a sense of freedom, like a weight has been literally lifted off of my shoulders. And that's because I can know that there are some burdens that I am not meant to carry. I leave you with one of my favorite verses:
"For I know the plans I have for you...plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
-Jeremiah 29:11
I guess it makes sense that I'm a worrier in a way. It's part of my personality to care too much. And because I have this immense capacity to care, I have a tendency to worry about...everything. I worry about my friends and the choices they make. I worry about my family and their happiness. I worry about my future, and if I am on the right path in my career choices. I worry that I won't get good enough grades. I worry that I will not find the person I am meant to spend my life with. I worry that I push away people because of my worrying about them!
One of my friends gave me a quote that I find very insightful:
"Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence."
Worrying in a way, is an insult to God. It's like saying, "Yea I know you're in charge and you are in control, but I'd rather fight this battle for myself." I know this is a crazy idea especially for me to put into my life. It takes a lot of patience and faith. In fact I'm sure this is one of the hardest things to do for most people. If you think about it, our society has created an environment for worrying. Everything is so competitive and we are constantly reminded of what is accepted and not accepted in every aspect of life. But this is not an excuse to let your worries take over your whole being and the way you perceive life.
I know that I will be needing a little reminder to keep myself in my check, and hopefully whoever reads this will be brought back to a new perspective on their worries about life. Until then I feel a sense of freedom, like a weight has been literally lifted off of my shoulders. And that's because I can know that there are some burdens that I am not meant to carry. I leave you with one of my favorite verses:
"For I know the plans I have for you...plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
-Jeremiah 29:11
Sunday, October 3, 2010
This I Believe Essay
So I had to write one of these for one of my classes this semester and I thought I would share it with everyone.
Let ‘em Dream
I believe in childish dreams. Children are invincible. Nothing stands in the way of their imagination. Until told otherwise, they believe they can do anything they want. If I had it my way, people would always have the courage and power to dream. Having innocence and “reaching for the stars” are precious characteristics that are only okay to have when we are young. It is my belief that these qualities are important in becoming successful and truly happy human beings.
Think about it. When we were little, it was fine to say you wanted to be an astronaut or a professional basketball player. No one wants to be the bearer of bad news and tell you the odds of this actually happening. In kindergarten, we are encouraged to dream big; as we become adults we soon come to believe that we should choose “what is practical,” or what “has a lot of job opportunity.”
Being a music major was something I have been hesitant about doing for a long time. I was reluctant because people have always been telling me the odds of making this a reality. At first, it was, “you’ll never get into that school.” The cynicism continued to, “There are no jobs open right now in the arts.” I started to think about other options, back up plans for a college major. I considered psychology because of my love for people and how they connect to each other. I thought about photography because I absolutely love to take pictures and explore the beauty in all things. But when it came time to make a decision, my heart chose music.
Music is something that brings me such joy. I tried to imagine not having it in my life on a daily basis and wondered how I would be able to cope with losing something so precious to me. I still am unsure what I will do with music in the future but I know that something will point me in the right direction. My mom used to tell me that the happiest people were those who do what they love everyday, not those who have nice houses and vehicles. I realized that music is something that warms my soul and brings me closer to God. I believe that when I play my music, I am praising Him and sharing my talents with the world.
I chose to take a leap of faith and dream. I chose to pursue what I love, no matter how rough the road ahead might be. No matter how difficult the classes, or intimidating the other students, I chose to dream. I continue to choose to dream on a daily basis. I get excited about things that make me happy and think of all the wonderful things that this life could bring me. I choose to dream because that’s what I believe in. I believe in the child like way of dreaming.
Let ‘em Dream
I believe in childish dreams. Children are invincible. Nothing stands in the way of their imagination. Until told otherwise, they believe they can do anything they want. If I had it my way, people would always have the courage and power to dream. Having innocence and “reaching for the stars” are precious characteristics that are only okay to have when we are young. It is my belief that these qualities are important in becoming successful and truly happy human beings.
Think about it. When we were little, it was fine to say you wanted to be an astronaut or a professional basketball player. No one wants to be the bearer of bad news and tell you the odds of this actually happening. In kindergarten, we are encouraged to dream big; as we become adults we soon come to believe that we should choose “what is practical,” or what “has a lot of job opportunity.”
Being a music major was something I have been hesitant about doing for a long time. I was reluctant because people have always been telling me the odds of making this a reality. At first, it was, “you’ll never get into that school.” The cynicism continued to, “There are no jobs open right now in the arts.” I started to think about other options, back up plans for a college major. I considered psychology because of my love for people and how they connect to each other. I thought about photography because I absolutely love to take pictures and explore the beauty in all things. But when it came time to make a decision, my heart chose music.
Music is something that brings me such joy. I tried to imagine not having it in my life on a daily basis and wondered how I would be able to cope with losing something so precious to me. I still am unsure what I will do with music in the future but I know that something will point me in the right direction. My mom used to tell me that the happiest people were those who do what they love everyday, not those who have nice houses and vehicles. I realized that music is something that warms my soul and brings me closer to God. I believe that when I play my music, I am praising Him and sharing my talents with the world.
I chose to take a leap of faith and dream. I chose to pursue what I love, no matter how rough the road ahead might be. No matter how difficult the classes, or intimidating the other students, I chose to dream. I continue to choose to dream on a daily basis. I get excited about things that make me happy and think of all the wonderful things that this life could bring me. I choose to dream because that’s what I believe in. I believe in the child like way of dreaming.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
But if you try sometimes, you just might find, that you get what you need.
Friendship is a funny thing. Every time I try to put a label on a friendship, it changes. The people I have called "best friends" have changed over the years. And I feel as though I have too many best friends. And doesn't that defeat the purpose of having a BEST friend?
The closest thing I have had to having an absolute best friend, is my darling Laura Ann. And the funny thing is, we weren't really friends until a few years ago. Friendships can come out of no where when you least expect it. And the people you thought would always be there, can be gone just as quickly. I have learned this lesson many times.
Summer, in my opinion, is the true test of friendship. Especially the summer "in limbo" as I like to call it, in between being a senior in high school, and a freshman in college. Why is that? Because you have no where you have to be. No mandatory sports practices, no marching band rehearsals, no nothing. (Which may sound nice, but trust me it gets boring very quickly.) And because you have no where you have to be, you don't see as many people as you would have during the school year. I will say, that the majority of my friends have done an excellent job of staying in touch this summer, and I have loved every minute I have spent with them. But every now and again, I remember those few that I believed were my close friends that have become M.I.A. The excuses vary from situation to situation, but mostly it comes down to the fact that they don't find our friendship as important as I believed it to be. Sure they may have legitimate reasons for not hanging with "us", like having a job or being out of town, but the evenings they are free, they make other plans time and time again.
This used to really bug me and for a while I tried so hard to keep this separation from happening. But I've learned that things don't always turn out the way we plan. "You can't always get what you want." But when I think back on this summer and the people I have spent it with, it really doesn't matter that much. The friends that have been there, are just what I needed. And I wouldn't have had it any other way. Sometimes I worry about leaving for school in 16 days, and that maybe I will lose touch with these people. But honestly, I know in my heart that a part of me will always love them and always think of them fondly. Always remember what they did for me and what I did for them. My friends have taught me so much, more than they could even know. Sure not every friendship has been a walk in the park, but with every conflict and every struggle, I became strong. I became me. When I look back on my life in high school, I find it silly remembering the things I wanted at the time. The people I wanted to be close to, who I thought should be there. When looking back I know for a fact, that the people I love have given me just what I needed, and have shaped me into the person I am today. And I can't thank them enough.
-Kat
The closest thing I have had to having an absolute best friend, is my darling Laura Ann. And the funny thing is, we weren't really friends until a few years ago. Friendships can come out of no where when you least expect it. And the people you thought would always be there, can be gone just as quickly. I have learned this lesson many times.
Summer, in my opinion, is the true test of friendship. Especially the summer "in limbo" as I like to call it, in between being a senior in high school, and a freshman in college. Why is that? Because you have no where you have to be. No mandatory sports practices, no marching band rehearsals, no nothing. (Which may sound nice, but trust me it gets boring very quickly.) And because you have no where you have to be, you don't see as many people as you would have during the school year. I will say, that the majority of my friends have done an excellent job of staying in touch this summer, and I have loved every minute I have spent with them. But every now and again, I remember those few that I believed were my close friends that have become M.I.A. The excuses vary from situation to situation, but mostly it comes down to the fact that they don't find our friendship as important as I believed it to be. Sure they may have legitimate reasons for not hanging with "us", like having a job or being out of town, but the evenings they are free, they make other plans time and time again.
This used to really bug me and for a while I tried so hard to keep this separation from happening. But I've learned that things don't always turn out the way we plan. "You can't always get what you want." But when I think back on this summer and the people I have spent it with, it really doesn't matter that much. The friends that have been there, are just what I needed. And I wouldn't have had it any other way. Sometimes I worry about leaving for school in 16 days, and that maybe I will lose touch with these people. But honestly, I know in my heart that a part of me will always love them and always think of them fondly. Always remember what they did for me and what I did for them. My friends have taught me so much, more than they could even know. Sure not every friendship has been a walk in the park, but with every conflict and every struggle, I became strong. I became me. When I look back on my life in high school, I find it silly remembering the things I wanted at the time. The people I wanted to be close to, who I thought should be there. When looking back I know for a fact, that the people I love have given me just what I needed, and have shaped me into the person I am today. And I can't thank them enough.
-Kat
Thursday, July 29, 2010
There are many times in a day that I worry about the path I've chosen. The college I'm going to, the major I have chosen, the things I plan to do after college. As of now, I have chosen music.
Some may not know this, but choosing to be a music major is risky business. The major is very demanding and requires a lot of credit hours along with hours of practice on whatever instrument is your primary focus. For me, this is the voice.
But besides my hesitance and doubt, God has proven always faithful leaving me with little moments of reminders. Little moments where I feel as though music is a part of my very soul. One of these moments occurred yesterday while I was playing the piano. I had been playing for about a half an hour and I seemed to playing everything beautifully and I found myself grinning from ear to ear as I played some of my favorite songs. Later that day I downloaded some of the music from Pride & Prejudice and one of the songs was so beautiful, that it literally brought tears to my eyes.
It's moments like those that I know I should not worry about the path I have chosen, for He is with me all along and I will be okay. All I have to do is listen and hear His earnest whispers.
Some may not know this, but choosing to be a music major is risky business. The major is very demanding and requires a lot of credit hours along with hours of practice on whatever instrument is your primary focus. For me, this is the voice.
But besides my hesitance and doubt, God has proven always faithful leaving me with little moments of reminders. Little moments where I feel as though music is a part of my very soul. One of these moments occurred yesterday while I was playing the piano. I had been playing for about a half an hour and I seemed to playing everything beautifully and I found myself grinning from ear to ear as I played some of my favorite songs. Later that day I downloaded some of the music from Pride & Prejudice and one of the songs was so beautiful, that it literally brought tears to my eyes.
It's moments like those that I know I should not worry about the path I have chosen, for He is with me all along and I will be okay. All I have to do is listen and hear His earnest whispers.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
nostalgia nostalgia nostalgia!
I have about 3 weeks left of care free summer in good ole' North Canton. And I was doing a really good job of not thinking about this too much until my dear pal Ryan, thought it would be a great idea to remind me of our short time and got me into sad scared Kathryn mode. :(
I just don't know how to go about thinking about such a big thing. Most people know that I'm not big on change. And that's just the fact that I still have all my stuffed animals, have horse bed attire and figurines on my walls at age 18, and pretty much always have my hair the same. So if I'm not big on the little changes then how the heck am I supposed to deal with the gigantic ones!?
Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited to go to school. I love meeting new people and trying new things, I just like having my constants. I like the comfort of my lovely house and my best friends about 7 minutes away at the furthest. Luckily for me, my darling best friend Laura is going to be fairly close to me at college since she will be attending Toledo University, which is about 30 minutes away! EEP! (Unfortunately however, we are now at rival schools..oops lol)
Oh! So I'm already packing clothes for college. Like the ones I don't currently wear from day day. (like jeans and hoodies and stuff to protect me from the crazy wind up there at BGSU) And I have this problem, where I can't think of what I might need! I have a big fear of moving in and realizing that I only have enough room for like, one of my boxes of clothes. YIKES! Not to mention my guitar and 2 (yes 2!) saxophones that I will be storing in my room along with a mini fridge!
AH SOOOOO! A nice random thought is that Laur got us tickets for the Tim Mcgraw and Lady Antebellum concert at Blossom on August 5th! SUPER EEEEE! Yea I can just see you people shaking your heads in disgust. Psh, country what junk! All I have to say is GET OVER IT. :) When people start hating on country I like to point out that I like EVERY KIND of music (but not gross obnoxious rap that talks about nasty things like pole dancing) and I am a woman of many interests, and they should respect my love for country!
Okay time to keep cleaning my room and packing for college?! Ah stop that.
-Kat
I just don't know how to go about thinking about such a big thing. Most people know that I'm not big on change. And that's just the fact that I still have all my stuffed animals, have horse bed attire and figurines on my walls at age 18, and pretty much always have my hair the same. So if I'm not big on the little changes then how the heck am I supposed to deal with the gigantic ones!?
Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited to go to school. I love meeting new people and trying new things, I just like having my constants. I like the comfort of my lovely house and my best friends about 7 minutes away at the furthest. Luckily for me, my darling best friend Laura is going to be fairly close to me at college since she will be attending Toledo University, which is about 30 minutes away! EEP! (Unfortunately however, we are now at rival schools..oops lol)
Oh! So I'm already packing clothes for college. Like the ones I don't currently wear from day day. (like jeans and hoodies and stuff to protect me from the crazy wind up there at BGSU) And I have this problem, where I can't think of what I might need! I have a big fear of moving in and realizing that I only have enough room for like, one of my boxes of clothes. YIKES! Not to mention my guitar and 2 (yes 2!) saxophones that I will be storing in my room along with a mini fridge!
AH SOOOOO! A nice random thought is that Laur got us tickets for the Tim Mcgraw and Lady Antebellum concert at Blossom on August 5th! SUPER EEEEE! Yea I can just see you people shaking your heads in disgust. Psh, country what junk! All I have to say is GET OVER IT. :) When people start hating on country I like to point out that I like EVERY KIND of music (but not gross obnoxious rap that talks about nasty things like pole dancing) and I am a woman of many interests, and they should respect my love for country!
Okay time to keep cleaning my room and packing for college?! Ah stop that.
-Kat
Friday, July 23, 2010
I can learn from t.v. shows?
So this darling girl names Chelsea wants me to blog again. :) And it's probably a good thing because I've had a lot on my mind lately.
So lets start with something not serious. This summer I started to watch the television show Lost. One of my closest friends has been a fanatic for years so I decided to give it a try. I am now hooked. I've completed two and a half seasons and still have another 2 and a half to go.
For those of you who have never seen Lost, it is basically a story about survivors of a plane crash on an unknown island. What I love most about Lost is the first impressions the show gives you of the characters in the first few episodes. And slowly, through flashbacks and different situations, you discover that those characters are not at all what you expected them to be. I guess you could say that is symbolic of how people in the real world make assumptions about one another. From watching this show, I have begun to appreciate how wrong I can be about a person that I might "judge" at first.
Another thing I love about Lost, is that many of the characters that were complete strangers to each other when the plane crashed, end up having strange connections to one another. The idea of life being a "small world after all" is blatantly present in the plot line and characterization of Lost.
Yet another reason why I love this show, is the symbolism of hope that is displayed repeatedly through out the show. I have come to find that a lot of the characters on the island have been given second changes and hope from the lives they led else where. The island, being completely cut off from the "real world" can sometimes be a sanctuary for these people (that is when the island is not bringing terror and tragedy to the people).
I guess the reason I wanted to share why I love this show is to justify the amount of time I have spent watching it. It's kind of frightening how addicted one can get from watching a television show. But in the end, I know that in some sort of weird way, I am learning a lot about life from this show. So maybe wasting my time is worth while after all?
So lets start with something not serious. This summer I started to watch the television show Lost. One of my closest friends has been a fanatic for years so I decided to give it a try. I am now hooked. I've completed two and a half seasons and still have another 2 and a half to go.
For those of you who have never seen Lost, it is basically a story about survivors of a plane crash on an unknown island. What I love most about Lost is the first impressions the show gives you of the characters in the first few episodes. And slowly, through flashbacks and different situations, you discover that those characters are not at all what you expected them to be. I guess you could say that is symbolic of how people in the real world make assumptions about one another. From watching this show, I have begun to appreciate how wrong I can be about a person that I might "judge" at first.
Another thing I love about Lost, is that many of the characters that were complete strangers to each other when the plane crashed, end up having strange connections to one another. The idea of life being a "small world after all" is blatantly present in the plot line and characterization of Lost.
Yet another reason why I love this show, is the symbolism of hope that is displayed repeatedly through out the show. I have come to find that a lot of the characters on the island have been given second changes and hope from the lives they led else where. The island, being completely cut off from the "real world" can sometimes be a sanctuary for these people (that is when the island is not bringing terror and tragedy to the people).
I guess the reason I wanted to share why I love this show is to justify the amount of time I have spent watching it. It's kind of frightening how addicted one can get from watching a television show. But in the end, I know that in some sort of weird way, I am learning a lot about life from this show. So maybe wasting my time is worth while after all?
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